i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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