I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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