My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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