remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
