proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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