you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
