K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
