I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
