Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
