Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
