he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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