I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
