Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
