My nipple is on Facebook.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
