Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
