If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
