happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
