Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
