I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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