Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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