New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
