I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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