Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
