sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She tied me up with her honor cords...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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