you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
