Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
