They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
