Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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