Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
