it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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