Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
