i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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