bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If its not for food we ain't going out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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