I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
