Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We left an ass print on the piano.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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