You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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