Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
