so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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