I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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