..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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