I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
