My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
