he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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