Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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