Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
