belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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