Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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