So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
