All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
