I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
