just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
