Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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