his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
