White coat. Heels.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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