Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
