shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The ass gains better be worth it
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