is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
