I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
