I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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