I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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