some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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