Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
